…He Needs New Clothes 

If there’s one thing that’ll turn a budding relationship sour it’s a guy thinking you’re trying to change him. So, giving your bloke a wardrobe overhaul should probably be a long-term project. It’s okay to point out the things in an obvious state of disrepair (massive hole in the crotch of his jeans, for one) but don’t even think of trying to chuck out his favourite hoody no matter how maggoty it looks. There’s got to be one or two things in his closet you like (unless he’s a total lost cause) so compliment those when he wears them and he’ll start to realise what suits him and what doesn’t. Pick up bits here and there, but if he refuses to wear the pink – it’s actually salmon, dear – cardi you got him, don’t throw a strop. Just be patient, you might not turn him into a walking/talking Ken doll, but once the compliments start flooding in, he’ll be more inclined to accept a further makeover. 

…He Needs To Lose Weight

While most girls wouldn’t be adverse to a fella with a six-pack and sizable guns (us shallow? Never), most of us would be happy with a man who’s simply healthy, active and has enough, um, stamina when needed. And, while a little tum is nice to snuggle up to on cold winter nights, if your bloke is starting to become less couch potato, more couch pumpkin, it might be time to use action rather than words. Start by trying to get him out more, making your dates fun and active instead of always food/booze-based. Where possible, cook healthy meals and break away from your takeaway routine. Do it with him so it’s a lifestyle change for  both of you, rather than a diet just for him. If none of these work though, just sit down with him and candidly tell him you’re worried about his health. Chances are he’s had the same fears and has been looking for an opportunity to do something about it.  

 …He Needs To Use Mints

Is his bad breath getting in the way of a good snog? You’ve just got to come out with it. If you’re locking lips with him every day, he needs to keep tabs on his oral hygiene. Simply ask him if he’s had garlic, and tell him his breath is a little whiffy. Guys are resilient, and chances are he won’t be the slightest bit offended.  

 …He’s Got To Get His Own Life

It’s lovely to have a devoted boyf and all, but sometimes when a guy’s whole life is you, it gets more than a little stifling. If your bloke is shy, try to convince him to take up a class or join a gym or club so he has more “him” time. Encourage your guy to reconnect with old pals on Facebook, or meet up with mates for a pint. If he doesn’t have a lot of friends, suggest he holds a poker night or match night and gets the mates he does have to bring along a few other lads. Guy-guy friendships build up so fast it’s scary; before you know it you’ll be jealous of his budding bromances.  

…He Needs Work In The Bedroom

Are you crazy? There is nothing more likely to crush a man’s libido than pillow talk that involves the words, “You’re just not doing it for me.” It’s the male equivalent of him telling you; “Yes dear, your bum actually does look ma-hoo-sive in that.” While men aren’t great at getting subtlety, if you keep it consistent, your gentle nudges in the right direction will eventually sink in. You can’t expect him to a be a mind-reader, so just keep leading him to what you like, and be less responsive with the things you don’t.

…He Has A Unibrow

As with all aspects of male grooming, non-metrosexual men tend to be sceptical. So you need to pounce before he has time to realise he’s being beautified. While you’re tweezing a few stray hairs of your own, just turn to him as if you’ve never noticed the bush between his brows before, say you’ve just spotted one or two new hairs in the middle, and pluck them out before he’s had time to register. Prepare for him to howl with pain though. The big girl.

…He’s Got To Move Out Of Home

In the words of the great Liz Lemon, “That’s a dealbreaker ladies.” Fair enough if it’s just a rough patch and he has to spend some time back in the ‘rents, but if your boyf has enough cash to spring for a bedsit, but is opting for a cushy number at home instead, then you haven’t quite found yourself a catch. Don’t mince your words, you need to tell him, it’s you or his live-in maid/mother. 

…You Don’t Like His Special Spaghetti

So his “signature” meatball marinara makes you gag. There are two ways of handling this. Either tell him the truth: “it tastes like vomit”. Or, if you can’t stand the thought of seeing his culinary ambitions dashed and his little crestfallen face, come up with some kind of “it just doesn’t agree with my tummy” excuse. Boys get so freaked out by women’s bodily functions, he’ll never make it again.