That didn’t come from me, if anyone asks”… “Promise me you’ll keep this between us”… “If it gets back to me, I’ll know exactly who it came from, so say nothing.” If these phrases are part of your regular lexicon, chances are you might be a bit of a loose-lip. Then again, it would appear that most women are really bad at keeping secrets.

According to a recent UK study, our secrets are only safe for about 47 hours and 15 minutes. The study of 3,000 women aged between 18 and 65 also found that four out of 10 admitted they were unable to keep a secret – no matter how personal or confidential the news was. Other research suggests that we can often be our own worst enemies: 40% of women who have cheated on their partner admit that they’ve told at least one friend. And in a US study from the University of Texas, only 10% of people said that they would never reveal a secret no matter what.

“I’ve definitely heard the ‘now, say nothing to no one’ line, a lot,” admits Fionnuala, 27. “Much as I hate to admit it, they say ‘secret’, and I hear ‘gossip’. The information usually burns a hole in my brain until I can off-load it. From a pregnancy scare to divorcing parents, I’m actually terrible for just dropping it into casual conversation with other people. It’s only afterwards I think that maybe I should have kept that bit of news to myself. Only, now that I think about it, friends don’t really confide in me anymore… I don’t need to wonder why.”

So, why can’t the likes of Fionnuala (and most women for that matter) help themselves? It would seem it’s got a lot to do with a lack of self-esteem and social confidence. In a bid to climb up the social ladder and gain favour with our peers, we try to place ourselves as a hub of all social knowledge within our group… regardless of the outcome. Also, when we learn information that’s confidential, we can feel more important if we let others know we have this. Often, people feel the need to ‘unburden’ themselves of the supposed weight of a secret. Sometimes it’s even more simple than that; people have had too much to drink. Others, like Fionnuala, simply don’t get the brevity of the situation – or consequences – when they drop secrets into conversation. In fact, the two most frequently cited ‘good reasons’ for betraying a confidence are concern for the welfare of the secret’s subject and a conclusion that the person they told had ‘a right to know’.

Then, there’s what some experts are calling the ‘emotional slut’; the person who tries to create an instant intimacy with people by spilling all about their own lives. Sharing secrets, in other words, is an instant way to see if you can trust someone else. And, of course, it’s therapeutic for the teller of the secret. US writer Martha Beck describes emotional sluts as “psychological wolves in sheep’s clothing”. “They consciously or unconsciously manipulate others with displays of openness and vulnerability.

We all have an innate tendency to mirror the level of intimacy presented by others, so when someone confides information, we feel social pressure to reciprocate.”Sarah, 29, admits she was one such person. “I don’t know how or why I became so candid about my private life but, up until a few years ago, I was like an open book,” she says. “An open book with detailed illustrations. It didn’t matter who you were or where I was, you just had to ask me a few questions about myself and I’d start blabbing about my deepest and darkest secrets.

“I blame it on the booze, mind. Two glasses of wine and you got my life story. Past disastrous relationships, problems at work, you name it, I spilled it. I’d sometimes wake up the morning after the night before with a sour taste in my mouth, which wasn’t solely thanks to the wine.

“As the hangover would start to set in so too would the sinking feeling that I had said too much – to a colleague, a random girl I met in the pub who I was soon ‘besties’ with, the taxi driver who gave me a lift home… I was indiscriminate in my choice of confidants.”Sarah admits that age – and a few bad experiences – has softened the urgent need to spill her secrets.“A couple of times my openness was thrown back in my face and I learned it’s sometimes better to keep your cards close to your chest.

Looking back, I guess my willingness to divulge probably had something to do with low self-esteem and the desire to have people like me. I figured if I confided in them then we’d have some sort of bond… For the record, it never usually worked out that way.”

And so to the burning question: how to stem the TMI flow? First, bear in mind that the person who’s telling you a secret is entrusting you with something precious. This is a privilege, not a licence to go blabbing. And like many bad habits, breaking your gossip side takes practise. Avoid situations where you’re bad-mouthing people; it’s a scenario in which gossip will just slip right out.

Also, if you feel the need to unburden yourself of a secret without consequence, try a website like www.postsecret.com where you get to vent without worrying if the skeletons in your closet will present themselves again. Above all else, think of secrets as something that gives you a little mystery. In a way, it’s not unlike wearing sexy underwear beneath your ordinary clothes. And we all know how lovely that can feel.