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Survive Any Drunken Argument

Features, In The Mag
8th November 2010

Ah, the demon drink… One minute you’re having a few sociables, the next it’s like a scene from Jersey Shore. Here’s how to avoid a bar room brawl says Snooki, we mean, Sandra Horan.

Picture the scene: you and your ladies are out for a good old knees-up. You’ve got the Louboutins on (well, not exactly Louboutins, but it’s amazing what a bottle of red nail polish and a spare 10 minutes can do), the hair is piled high and the spirits (of the non-drinking kind) are even higher. However, one minute your chin-chinning with a glass of oh-so-civilised champers, the next you and your nearest are nearly tearing the hair off each other. Eh, back it up a cotton-picking Tequila-slamming minute. How the hell did it end up like this? That’d be the alcohol…

It’s Not Me, it’s you
Isn’t it funny (or not) how one-too-many sherrys can turn a perfectly intelligent discussion between two adults into something that resembles two screaming monkeys in a cage? One minute you’re politely debating the merits of McDonalds vs Burger King, the next it’s World War III. Well, chances are you two aren’t fighting about what you think you’re fighting about. Alcohol can stir up emotions, good and bad, so try to consider what’s really behind the aggression and take into account any personal problems your monkey friend may be having.

It’s Not Her, it’s you
Just don’t be so quick to point the finger… If you find yourself rowing with more than one mate, you might need to keep yourself in check. Booze can fool you into thinking you’re a comedian or a sage, but everyone else might not find you so hilarious or wise. If it turns out you’ve offended just say you’re sorry – it can heal all wounds.

Check yo’ self
When your Saturday nights end in scraps more often than not, it’s probably time you take a sober look at yourself. Your idea of a light refreshment may actually be a full-blown booze binge, so it’s an idea to lay off the slammers and move to something softer instead. Check out for some useful tips on taking it easy.

Sharing Is not caring
Got a few gargles on board? Avoid the temptation to bitch, then and there, or later. Not only does this prolong any drunken spat long past its sell-by date, but posting your version of events on Facebook means there’ll be a permanent record of your drunken antics for all the world to see.

Resolve it quickly
There’s no point in dragging a drunken beef out for days, or worse still, ruining a perfectly good friendship forever over it. If you apologise and it’s accepted (it better be, the b*tch), then your night will end in hugs and you’ll dodge that dodgy feeling the next day.

Nothing to fear but… The Fear itself
Speaking of which, the emotional hangover after a drunken clash is often worse than the fight itself, so to avoid The Fear the next day keep yourself occupied. Try not to obsess about it – what’s done is done, and to paraphrase Cher, you can’t turn back time. Instead, clear your thoughts, apologise for your wrongdoings and move on.

Don’t make it personal

Hooch can be like truth serum for some. Next time you’re having a tiff about whether Heidi looks better pre or post surgery don’t lose your composure and list off every little thing that’s ever bothered you about your partner in crime. If you catch the words “the problem with you is…” coming out of your mouth it’s best to just sit down, shut up and have a drink (of water) for heaven’s sake.

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