Not since the ‘80s has Ireland experienced such a mass exodus. Claire Byrne reveals what it feels like to be the one left behind…

This week I lost another four friends. Sorry that sounds a tad dramatic, but it’s kinda true. What I mean to say is, this week I’ve lost four friends to different countries. As of today, I’ve now got one mate who’s moved to Tanzania, another to New York, three to Spain, two to New Zealand, two to Hong Kong, three to Canada, and four to Australia. Yes, they’ve all packed up and gone off to seek adventure and, more importantly, employment.

When I graduated from college two years ago, myself and my fellow journalism classmates felt we had everything to offer potential employers – we were young, talented, enthusiastic and educated – who wouldn’t want to hire us? One month later, the recession kicked in. Newspapers folded, radio stations shut down and, of those, that stayed open, serious cut-backs were made.

Most of my friends ended up working for free just to get their foot in the door. But, one by one, they were forced into jobs they had absolutely no interest in just to make ends meet. And, while the old “sure a job’s a job” motto was well versed to tell themselves they should be grateful not to be joining other classmates on the dole queue, there was the fear that, with no end in sight, they’d be stuck in positions they despised for the foreseeable future.

I, on the other hand, was the lucky one. Like everyone else I had thrown myself into finding a job relevant to my degree – the alternative was not an option – unlike everyone else, I found one. Starting at STELLAR was, and still is, the best thing that ever happened to me. After all, I get to write about great topics, interview hot blokes, try beauty products for a living and I get paid for the pleasure. However, two years on, while I still love my job, this ‘lucky one’ doesn’t feel so lucky any more. I’m not heading off to Canada, Australia or New York, instead, I’m the one who’s been left behind.

Every group of friends goes through the year of 21st birthdays, the year of 30ths, but it seems that this for us, is the year of Bon Voyage. I’ve gone to three leaving parties in the last four weeks, all for very close friends. Over the next two months there’s six more people I’m going to have to say goodbye to. While I know they’re not leaving because of me, and I do enjoy a good knees-up, I can’t help but feel just a bit rejected.

I know most people reading this will think, ‘Quit moaning and just follow your friends if you don’t want to be left behind,’ but it’s not that easy.

I just couldn’t live with myself (and my mam would probably murder me) if I gave up my dream job, for a mediocre one on the other side of the world. While after-work cocktails on Bondi Beach does sound a lot more enticing than after-work beers on Baggot Street, at the end of the day, an office is an office wherever you are.

And would it be so great anyway? There’s not one place in the whole I could go and have all my beloved group of mates back around me. Like tales of the ‘70s and ‘80s, ours is a generation of young Irish people who are scattered across the world. Apart from, say, Sydney or Toronto, thousands of fellow graduates are finding themselves isolated on distant shores, and my worry is that I’d end up the same. One friend who landed in an Auckland winter recently admitted; “It’s the exact same as Dublin – you’re getting up and going to work every day in the rain, but you don’t have friends to hang out with in the evenings or families to see at weekends.”

So it seems we’re darned if we do, and darned (and cold and wet) if we don’t. Yes, the grass is always greener (and other such clichés), but it seems for us Celtic Tiger babies, wherever we land we’re going to have to make sacrifices.

No longer is the gap year/graduate job combo even an option, it’s more like stick-it-out-at-home or head-off-and-hope-for-the-best – neither wholly attractive options. In the meantime, as my little group of friends dwindles even further, I suppose I can take comfort in the fact that, just like hundreds of others gangs around Ireland, we’ve been divided and are now conquering the world.

On the upside however, at least I’ll always have a couch to crash on in Sydney… Toronto… New York… Hong Kong…

How To Deal…

Councillor Brenda Agnew, (www.agnewcounselling.com) weighs in on the deeper implications of emigration on friendships and how to look after yourself when your pals head off to sunnier climes…

“The departure of friends abroad is a loss and it may be a huge one if those friends were close ones. It’s a hidden loss as well in that others do not recognise it so easily. No one has died – although perhaps a way of life has – a close network may be broken, and there is no certainty that it will ever be restored. Good friends provide us with companionship, emotional support, closeness, affection, understanding and acceptance. They help us through the tough times in life. The departure abroad of someone who has been an important friend removes one of our sources of support.

“If a group of friends are leaving it can be very hard on the one left behind. It can feel as if everybody is moving on with their lives and the person left behind can feel very restless and dissatisfied with their life.

“Loneliness is something we all feel from time to time. It is not a feeling we can completely avoid, but we can respond to it. It is easier than ever now to stay in touch with Facebook, Skype and email. This will help to maintain the friendship and the connection. Remind yourself that this – like all feelings – will pass.”

Top tips for those left behind…

Work out how you will keep in touch, but be realistic. Make sure you don’t set yourself or your friend up for  disappointment about hastily made commitments that cannot be kept.

Acknowledge your feelings. You may be confused, sad, jealous, anxious and/or lonely. Whatever your feelings, acknowledge them and allow yourself to feel them.

Take care of yourself physically – eat well, take exercise, build in relaxation time, do what you can to ensure the quality of your sleep is good.

Invest in your own life. Although friends are an important part of life, your life is about you and expressing your unique talents and passions. Put some thought into what is important for you to do with your life.

Maybe this is the time to start something new – perhaps something creative – or  learn a new skill. Embark on some project that is important to you.

Invest in new relationships. If you are shy and find it difficult to make new friends, voluntary work is a great place to meet new people and forge new friendships. Sure, you might be feeling left behind, but it’s worth remembering that this could be the start of something amazing and new for you too.